Demand Avoidance: Quick Guide

What it is Demand Avoidance?

• A strong, ongoing resistance to everyday demands.

• Can affect basic needs (sleep, eating) as well as school, work, and social life.

• Often linked to autism, but can also appear with ADHD, cPTSD, or other conditions.

Types of demands

• Direct – “Do your homework,” “Brush your teeth.”

• Internal – hunger, tiredness, or self-expectations.

• Indirect – unspoken expectations, like answering questions or paying bills.

Common strategies people use

• Excuses or imaginative responses (“I can’t, I’m a robot today”).

• Distraction (changing subject, joking, creating diversions).

• Refusal (saying no, resisting).

• Withdrawal (going quiet, walking away, daydreaming).

• Aggression (often panic-driven, last resort).

Impact

• For the person: can affect sleep, mental health, daily living, emotional regulation, relationships, school, and work.

• For families/carers: can lead to stress, exhaustion, and challenges in accessing support.

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

• First described in the 1980s as a profile of autism with extreme demand avoidance.

• Still debated—not an official diagnosis in DSM/ICD.

• Some find it a useful identity (“PDAers”); others find the term unhelpful.

• Alternative names: “Persistent Drive for Autonomy.”

Why it happens

• Linked to anxiety and intolerance of uncertainty.

• Some people say it’s mainly about a deep need for autonomy and control.

Support strategies

• Reduce demands where possible.

• Collaborate, don’t command—flatten hierarchies.

• Indirect communication (choices, suggestions, visual prompts).

• Minimise stressors (eye contact, touch, pressure).

• Provide safe spaces and remove audiences during distress.

• Coordinate support across school, family, and professionals.

• Encourage self-understanding, sensory regulation, and respectful therapies.

Schools and local authorities

• Assessments should record demand avoidance as part of autism/neurodevelopmental profiles.

• Support must be tailored to the individual.

• Parents can use template letters to challenge withdrawn or denied support such as this https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/demand-avoidance/support-letter