Understanding Demand Avoidance

What it means

Demand avoidance is when someone has a strong and ongoing resistance to everyday demands. For some autistic people, this can be a big part of their experience. It doesn’t just apply to things like school or work—it can also affect basic needs such as eating and sleeping. Because of this, it plays an important role in how people are understood, supported, and even diagnosed. Many people with lived experience have also shared helpful strategies for managing it.

So, what exactly is demand avoidance?

We all resist demands sometimes—nobody enjoys being told what to do all the time. But here, the term “demand avoidance” means something more specific: a persistent and noticeable difficulty with the everyday demands of life. These can include essential needs, like getting enough sleep, as well as expectations like finishing schoolwork or meeting job responsibilities.

While demand avoidance is often talked about in relation to autism (and sometimes other forms of neurodivergence), there’s actually not a lot of good research about it yet. The studies we do have are limited, and there’s still debate about how best to define it, why it happens, and how to support people who experience it.

Different types of demands

Demands don’t have to be unpleasant or unreasonable to feel overwhelming. For someone experiencing demand avoidance, even everyday expectations can be hard. These can include:

• Direct demands – things like “brush your teeth,” “put on your shoes,” or “fill in this form.”

• Internal demands – needs or expectations you place on yourself, such as feeling hungry or knowing you should do something.

• Indirect or implied demands – expectations that aren’t spoken outright, like being asked a question you’re expected to answer, being served a meal you’re expected to eat, or receiving a bill that needs to be paid.

How people resist demands

When someone experiences demand avoidance, they might use different strategies to avoid or delay what’s being asked of them. These can range from light-hearted excuses to stronger reactions. Some common examples include:

• Making excuses – sometimes playful or imaginative, like “I can’t, I’m a tractor and tractors don’t have hands.”

• Distraction or diversion – changing the subject, making a joke, giving compliments, making noise, or even creating a new situation that needs attention.

• Refusing directly – simply saying “no,” or physically resisting.

• Becoming passive or withdrawing – going quiet, flopping onto the floor, curling into a ball, walking away, or retreating into imagination.

• Aggression – usually a last resort when other strategies don’t work. This might look like hitting, kicking, throwing things, or pushing. Sometimes this happens as part of a panic response when anxiety feels overwhelming.

When none of these strategies work and the person feels trapped, the anxiety can become so intense that it leads to a meltdown or panic. In these moments, behaviour is usually outside of the person’s control.

What demand avoidance looks like in real life

Since everyone avoids demands from time to time, it can be hard to picture what it means when this becomes a strong, ongoing pattern. Real-life experiences help make it clearer.

People who live with demand avoidance describe it as more than just “not wanting to do something.” It’s a persistent resistance that can affect everyday life in big ways.

Many people also identify with a proposed profile called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). In PDA, demand avoidance is considered the main feature. We’ll talk more about PDA a bit further down this page, but for now, it’s helpful to know that a lot of examples come from people who use that term to describe themselves.

How demand avoidance connects to autism and other conditions

Demand avoidance is most often discussed in relation to autism. Some people view it as a profile of autism, while others think it might be a distinct neurotype or set of differences on its own.

The idea of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) comes up a lot here. PDA is controversial—it isn’t officially recognised in medical manuals, and opinions about it vary widely within the autism community. Still, many autistic people and families find the term useful in describing their experiences.

Persistent resistance to demands has also been linked with other conditions, such as:

• Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD)

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

The history of PDA

The term Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) was first developed in the 1980s by British psychologist Elisabeth Newson. She noticed a group of children who didn’t quite fit the common understanding of autism at that time but who all shared one striking feature: a strong and ongoing resistance to everyday demands.

Newson felt this was different enough to deserve its own label, so she created a list of traits thought to describe PDA. Over the years, this list has been slightly adapted by researchers and practitioners, but the core ideas have stayed pretty much the same.

Some of the key traits proposed for PDA include:

• Resisting and avoiding everyday demands

• Using social strategies to avoid demands (for example, giving excuses or creating distractions)

• Appearing sociable, but experiencing differences in social understanding (like how hierarchies work)

• Experiencing sudden mood changes or acting impulsively

• Enjoying role play or imaginative activities

• Developing strong, focused interests (often centred on other people)

It’s important to point out that a lot of this early language was based on a “deficit model” of autism, which many people today find inaccurate or even offensive. The wording used here is a more respectful version, but it still reflects those older ways of thinking.

Why PDA is debated

Even though demand avoidance itself is widely recognised, the idea of PDA as a separate profile or condition is still hotly debated.

Here are some of the main issues:

• Lack of strong research: Most studies on PDA have been small or low quality, and none have shown solid evidence that PDA is a distinct condition.

• Not officially recognised: PDA isn’t included in diagnostic manuals like the DSM or the ICD. That means you can’t receive a diagnosis of PDA on its own.

• Different perspectives: Some people see PDA as part of autism, some see it as something separate, and others see it as an unhelpful label altogether.

Despite this, some people are diagnosed with autism with a “demand avoidant profile” (sometimes called a PDA profile). Others simply self-identify with the PDA label. Many people who use the term prefer to call themselves “PDAers.”

There’s also disagreement about the word “pathological.” Some feel it’s too negative and prefer alternatives like “Persistent Drive for Autonomy.” Others feel the word “pathological” does fit, because for them, the drive to avoid demands feels all-consuming.

Criticism of the PDA concept

There’s lively debate about whether PDA is a useful label. Critics often raise points like these:

• Not enough strong evidence: Current research isn’t robust enough to confirm PDA as separate from autism.

• Context matters: Many of the behaviours linked to PDA may be better explained by a person’s social, sensory, or cognitive profile, any co-occurring conditions, and whether their environment fits their needs.

• Risk of putting the “problem” inside the person: The label can suggest the issue sits within the individual, rather than highlighting external factors we can actually change and support.

• Pathologising difference and autonomy: Some argue PDA labels natural bids for autonomy (or anxiety-reducing coping strategies) as “problematic,” when they may be understandable responses to expectations.

• Commercial looping effect: With PDA-related training and events marketed to families and professionals, some worry it can create a feedback loop—people may unintentionally interpret behaviour to fit the concept, reinforcing belief in the label.

Counter-criticism

People who identify with PDA (and those who support them) push back on these points:

• Lived experience matters: They argue that critiques often come from those without lived experience, and that their perspectives are being dismissed, othered, or patronised.

• Usefulness of the term: For many, “PDA” is a meaningful way to describe their reality and access understanding, community, and support.

Identification and assessment of demand avoidance

Best practice in an autism assessment is to capture a person’s unique strengths and challenges—so a strong need for autonomy or demand-avoidant characteristics should be recorded, whatever terminology is used.

A thorough assessment should include:

• A full neurodevelopmental picture: Information about all relevant characteristics, including demand avoidance.

• Context and environment: Observation of how settings, demands, and interactions influence the person’s responses.

Supporting autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent) people well usually requires:

• Good understanding of neurodivergence across healthcare, education, and care teams (including complex presentations).

• Comprehensive assessment that considers external/environmental factors.

• Personalised support that aligns with the person’s strengths, needs, and preferences.

Although PDA isn’t a standalone clinical diagnosis, some people receive an autism diagnosis with a “demand-avoidant” or “PDA profile” noted. There’s no standard assessment for this profile, and whether it’s used varies by local services.

How common is demand avoidance?

We don’t know. There’s no standardised assessment for demand avoidance as a standalone characteristic, and existing studies are limited—so reliable prevalence data isn’t available.

Why does demand avoidance happen?

Evidence suggests that persistent, marked demand avoidance reflects a strong need for control—but the picture isn’t fully understood.

Some (lower-quality) research links demand avoidance to:

• Anxiety, and

• Intolerance of uncertainty (needing to know what’s going to happen to feel calm).

For some people, these factors may drive demand avoidance. Others with lived experience suggest anxiety can be the result (not the cause) of feeling that demands threaten autonomy and control.

Impact on the person

Demand avoidance can affect many areas of life, for example:

• Sleep: trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep, or waking.

• Mental health: short- and long-term effects of anxiety and related symptoms.

• Daily living: self-care tasks like personal hygiene, eating, and housework.

• Emotional regulation: panic attacks, intense distress, or difficulty regulating emotions.

• Relationships: challenges in friendships or other social connections.

• Education and work: difficulty attending or sustaining participation due to distress/burnout, sometimes leading to exclusion or job loss.

Impact on parents and carers

Families and carers may experience:

• Distress from seeing a child or loved one in acute distress.

• Exhaustion from constantly adapting, removing, or disguising demands to reduce pressure.

• Stress and frustration when navigating assessments and trying to secure appropriate support in education, mental health, and social care.

Support strategies

People who experience persistent demand avoidance are best supported with approaches tailored to them. Understanding and accepting demand-avoidant behaviour is often the foundation for getting support right.

While research is limited, advice from lived experience and professional practice commonly includes:

• Reduce or remove demands where possible—especially unnecessary or time-pressured ones.

• Collaborate rather than command: flatten hierarchies (e.g., parent–child, manager–employee) and work with the person on shared goals.

• Use indirect communication when direct instructions feel triggering (offer choices, invite, suggest, or use visual prompts).

• Minimise stressors such as intense eye contact, touch, or confrontational body language.

• Give space: remove spectators during distress, or move to a quieter place when feasible.

• Coordinate support: bring together the person, family, and professionals (education, social care, healthcare) so plans are consistent and predictable.

People often find it helpful to:

• Understand their own patterns and triggers around demand avoidance.

• Manage, reduce, or “disguise” demands (e.g., by embedding them in routines or choices).

• Use sensory regulation and shape sensory environments that feel safe and supportive.

• Explore supports like therapy, counselling, mindfulness, or meditation—when these are accessible, respectful, and paced by the person.

A practical resource for schools and local authorities

There’s a prepared letter for parents and carers of children and young people who experience demand avoidance on the National Autistic Society website. It can be used when support is being denied or withdrawn with demand avoidance cited as the reason. The letter:

• Sets out best practice in autism assessments, which should record all relevant characteristics—including demand avoidance.

• Explains the legal duties on schools and local authorities to provide support tailored to an individual’s profile and needs.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/demand-avoidance/support-letter